What if the whole purpose of life is not so much abut making sense of it all and rather how to be present with what is in this moment that makes you feel deeply happy and alive?
What if the whole purpose of life is to have fun and enjoy the messy, upside down, stop crazy experiments that come your way?
At what point did you forget to include yourself in everything that you choose to “play” with?
As October and summer set in, I have been spending a lot more tome contemplating how I want to move forward into the next90 day cycle of 2017.
I find myself feeling called to spend more time in my own TRUST process – a space of NO thing and total peace of mind.
That for myself I am demanding of myself to take more time to do deep down and listen, to my heart, to nature and other people and animals rather than talk.
And it has been surprisingly nourishing albeit challenging at times to this here soul – born in the Air sign of Gemini and very much a verbal processor!
A few sprightly highlights, if you are the curious type:
1) By March, my hair was falling out in handfuls and I was in total adrenal burnout, unable to sleep, writing like a demon, taking on more clients, running out a 2am in the mornings for a colicked horse, or a cat who was paling or a child in hospice who just wanted to speak about animals and I could not say no –
So I sped up even more, took on things I should have said NO to, instead of taking care of my body, resting, doing nothing and then….
I fell off a beautiful horse on my birthday and broke 2 of my ribs – what a gift to get me to stop, listen, re assess some of my business commitments
to re-adjust some of my boundaries and slow down, course correct and mend.
To spend time asking the Universe to show me what adjustments were required to get closer to where I wanted to go.
Trusting in myself, my body, in others, in life, in God.
Slowing down my Being to connect with my body.
On Writing. Futuring. Reflecting. Meditating. Praying. Resting.
One thing it did was re-ignite a Gamma meditation practice with minds cape future -ing that has been filling me up from the inside out.
It also got me looking at some of the darkest, most uncomfortable parts of myself (my ego, my righteousness, my unkindness, my many ways of self abuse and how I check out when things feels unkind— oh wait, that whole horrible “being a person thing I’m not always perfect at) with greater honesty and kindness than I have previously been able to muster.
It was gnarly. And useful. And amazing. (Wait, you mean that horse fall, the broken ribs and then a month of laryngitis – no voice was exactly what was necessary for me to pay attention?
So, yay for random broken ribs and no voice (I can say casually, now that I’ve stopped coughing and clutching my side in pain every time I sneeze or laugh)
So many things are adjusting and changing!
Most of my life I am pretty public about. I like to share with you my own follies, blunders, dreams and questions, in hopes that they may stir some wonderings in your own world.
Since my return from visiting the lions and tigers at Emoya, spending more time with horses, donkeys and people using the Trust Process, I have felt something has changed in me, deep down and a little terrifying at the enormity of what the animals have asked of me.It is percolating and not quite ready to share as I seem to be spending much of my waking time pulling in words backwards and writing them down and being immersed in TRUSTING myself to hold it and grow it and speak to it.. Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in a post recently “this is a story I am living, not a story I’m telling.” I’ve been sitting quietly in the midst of one of those.
If you have followed any of my work, you will know that one of my favorite questions to ask my businesses, my creations, my clients, my classes, my programs
“Are we done? What do you want to become? ” and in my true nature as a 1, a leader, an innovator manifested generator, a Gemini amongst other things I have always been told my whole life
“You live in la La land or you are to far ahead – people are not ready for this” and it used to make me wonder what that was and then did it any way.
When I heard about this Bars thing 7 years ago, I flew across the world to learn it, certify in it, teach it, watch people’s lives change, watch other people make it a business that were broke, starving healers and insurance brokers and now love their lives. I have taught classes all over the world including bringing Access Consciousness into 5 African countries on my own until I was done and we parted ways for various reasons and I’ve found I am being called to new adventures and into new rhythms and questions and modes. Its hard to believe that it took a brush with death over 16 years and the complete destruction of my life to get me here, again in the changing room of life and how I want to create more impact out in the world of trauma resolution and the TRUST process,
Its funny when I look back how many years I have detoured wide around working with trauma, depression and anxiety for fear that the work is too heavy that nobody would want it – and you my dear tribe of empaths, sensitives, artists, music makers, animal lovers – you proved me so wrong and for that I am so grateful.
I TRUST now more than ever I had to do my own inner work over and over, layer by layer on my own relationship with trust and love and feel it, stay with it, speak gently to it and go at my body’s pace, not my mind. I have recognized that when the wind blows me off my feet to see where I land and stay in trust that it is time to answer the call, adjust and adapt to a new environment calling.
For me, this year of the Fire Rooster has been another depth of Wake up – to be shook to the core as many of my clients and colleagues concur.
We don’t have time to wait, its time to re evaluate what truly matters
To see the gift in the waiting room and then move into the next transition.
To feel the pain, know when its time to let go, move to our deep down.
Embrace how insignificant and small we are in the big scheme of inter connectedness and Oneness and at the same time how significant our individual piece is in creating and contributing to BETTER – for ourselves, for humanity, for all non human species and to the Earth herself.
This waking up has me questioning the moment reflects about me. That once you awaken to your part, you cannot turn back even though it would be more convenient and safer for your EGO. My soul doesn’t care about anything except alignment and attuning my insides to my outsides no matter how painful or scary it may seem.
This feels like that. TRUST. Gratitude. And thankfulness. Not entirely easy. Terrifying at time and I love that it’s moving time.Time to Rise up.
Evolve OUT loud and deep down and all around.
This season of letting go of something I have cared so deeply about has taught me a lot about surrender. And it has reminded me that while I am in charge of asking for what I desire, I don’t get to micromanage the “how” it then shows up. Because love without consciousness becomes distrust, lack and a need to control.
Trust the Universes has your back. Trust in life. Trust others. Trust in yourself,
You like me are here to play our part better
To TRUST you matter and you are enough.
It is a moment to moment learning and all I can do is trust.
Trust this unraveling.
So Where to From Here?
I can’t tell you exactly what that will look like just yet but I know we have to heal this great separation sickness and come back to our hearts.
I know I have to stay the long haul to trust my intuition, follow my own truth and express what motivates and moves me.
To be and do what matters to me, what I care about which has always been healing animals and people.
All I can really promise you is that I will continue to deepen into TRUST and my commitment to support those who are ready to heal from unresolved pain,
tell their stories with a whole heart and live happy, fulfilled, abundant lives.
How can I do better than yesterday? is my daily pre meditation question to ask Divine to show me what that looks like.
So as long as I am breathing, I will continue to be as generous, open hearted, vulnerable and as curious and as brave as I know how to be.
And that I will continue to invite you to journey alongside me because this, this is bigger than all of us and I know, we can go farther together than apart.
This next phase of my journey seems to be a whole lot about my insides.
About unraveling what I know from what others know.
About waking up my sleeping bits and being more compassionate with my child parts.
About taking ideas from my heart and head and anchoring them into my deep down.
About giving up my need to be right, to be understood or to belong.
You know, those little YES ands….
I hope to meet you there in the space of TRUST in everything and nothing, with you along the way.
I sit here writing from my favorite tree watching the herd play and the dust blow in my face.
What if the whole purpose of life is to have more lightness of being, to play more, to enJOY more.
I have noticed in the trust process of no thinking, a sense of deep peace of mind,
a new kind of surrender in my core.
A new willingness to follow the unknown with childlike curiosity.
And an ever increasing gratitude for the mystery of life unfolding.
Is there anything in your own life that you have been holding onto that you know you need to let go of?
Is there anywhere you are resisting the very thing you have been asking for?
I wonder if it’s time?
And if it is, how kind, compassionate, gentle, honest and present can you be with yourself to TRUST yourself move through it all.
I hope you are enjoying the feeling of being you, being alive and wherever you may feel yourself be called.
I hope you are honoring whatever you know to be true for you today.
And I hope you know that you, my friend, are always doing the best you can, with the tools you have available.
We all are.
We all want better.
Trust you are the answer to your own quest for a life well lived.
Live into your legacy and make every moment count.
I wish you bravery and kindness and joy on your adventures.
Trust you are enough and don’t self abandon.
Change happens with consistency and the actions you take provide the evidence that each present moment matters.
Believe in yourself, change your habits inch by inch.
Trust your very being is all the evidence you need to make your body of work matter by
Becoming better and develop the identity of who you are being, is the path through which we own our selves.
Love and deep appreciation