I wanted to write this love note to you on Saturday
and wish you joy and warm, optimistic ways to move into October, a 1 energy in a 1 year – new beginnings and to make it matter. I just could not do it, it felt irreverent to go outwards so I chose to spend my weekend in silence with my deep down to renew my commitment to myself and to trust in life.
It felt right to push pause on the outside and revisit grief.
To get curious about how to deepen into trust, to honor life and death and transition and waiting rooms, when millions of people are without power in Puerto Rico.
When families have lost their homes in India, Florida and Texas.
When racists march the streets with torches in the US and Africa has the contrast of that.
When shelters cannot cope with the amount of animals without homes because when money is tight animals get dumped.
When one elephant is killed every minute and natural habitat is lost every day.
When life is so cheap people kill people, people kill animals……
This was supposed to be a love note about rising above it.
Focusing on the positive.
Not letting these chaotic times get you down.
Turning that frown upside down despite it all.
But I woke up this morning feeling off.
I could not shake the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I could not meditate for longer than thirty minutes.
I wanted to feel good about the day, the week, the month ahead.
And then I did something totally out of character,
I turned on the news whilst I made a cup of java
only to hear that more than 50 lives ended tragically while I slept
cosy and warm in my bed last night.
People who just wanted to have fun.
To sing and to dance.
To go home when it was over.
To tell their friends and co-workers all about it today.
But they won’t.
Because they’re not here anymore.
So I can’t help but ask myself,
who am I to suggest that anyone “feel good let alone feel in order to heal themselves and in turn others” when another 50 human beings are gone, 400 are injured, and not a single person at that concert will ever be the same again?
I can’t be the self-help love warrior who wants everyone to put their heads in the sand
and pretend everything is just fine.
I cannot “do business as usual” without pushing pause,
staying a little longer in the waiting room
feeling the grief and the pain of so many people, animals, plants, the planet.
Because things aren’t fine.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling the emotional impact of recent events.
You are sensitive, empathetic, caring.
And just like me – perhaps you were having a moment where you asked
“What is the point? The world is dying and we are doomed to be the cause of her destruction and everything beautiful with Mother Earth”
In contrast, I know that the way we feel individually makes an impression on our consciousness collectively. A collaborative vibration of fear, apathy, and hopelessness tends to attract more to be fearful, apathetic, and hopeless about.
There we come upon the conundrum.
To somehow think and feel above these clearly perilous circumstances and tragic events.
And to do it in a way that honors, acknowledges, and respects those who have been affected by them.
Because if we can’t in some way start to feel better,
commit to better –
not only as a country but as a global community, we will likely get more of the same.
So for what it’s worth
Don’t quit just yet.
Stay a little longer, have a little bit more faith,
be in the journey and don’t assume because things aren’t working it means you are not meant for this.
Sometimes it means we need to adjust our thinking and our perspective, shift how we are holding things, or that we just maybe need a time out to get centered.
Sometimes it can mean that we are not in the right focus, but we shouldn’t abandon the path altogether.
I have had many moments along the way where I have been really sick,burnt out and drained, around my work with trauma especially when I go into the comparison trap of other people making 7 figures just posting silly cat videos or selling another “Make 10k in 10 days” BS surface stuff that has no lasting impact.
The truth is most people don’t really want to do the hard inner work and heal from trauma
– taking a zanax or burying the root cause of suffering under one addiction or another seems to be what 99.9% of the world is doing.
In all transparency I really tried to avoid my big WHY many times, to not go deep down until I stopped resisting and answered the call ( kicking and screaming along the way).
In those moments when those old voices of doubt kick in I ask:
“What would I be doing with my life, if I did not use all those years of anxiety, depression and trust issues and how I overcame, healed my body naturally and lifted my own inner game”
and every time its the same –
How can you not?
This work is too important, trust in the path and rise up to meet those who are asking for this.
Every life matters, touch the ones you can and don’t give up.
Be the voice for the animals because until humanity returns to trust and heals this great separation sickness, you cannot help the animals.
I often get afraid that I am not doing enough, that if God qualifies the called, she really does have a weird sense of humor or she likes a good experiment and I am it:-)
Sometimes our emotions and our fears are not connected to “we are on the wrong path and we should jump quit -self abandon.”
I actually think we jump ship way too early before being curious about what is going on, what needs to shift.
We like to make up stories that if I am feeling this way, it must mean this is a dead end, or a wrong way, or that I can’t do it, or I am not meant for this.
There are some cases, of course, where it is time to walk away but my intuition is telling me if you are reading this, this is not what is happening here.
Take a breath and hear this…
It is absolutely ok to be having moments of doubt. In fact, it is natural. This is not an easy journey at times and I get it.
But try not to go into a story that is not true,
and don’t go into a conclusion based on one thing that did not work as the reasoning justification that everything is wrong and there for means you need to quit.
Be curious about what may need to shift.
We have to be adaptable and flexible on this journey.
Look at your mindset, because that is really an important piece. Are you buying into the lies of what your irrational fear is telling you?
Go outside, take a break, reconnect to your big WHY, return to trusting in yourself, and know this too shall pass when you receive the lessons and sue them to expand and grow.
It takes tremendous amounts of courage for us to stay the path of trust when it feels hard, when we are frustrated, when we see that things are not unfolding the way we should.
But I promise you, it is all part of the journey – its the process of being human.
If I walked away every time I felt confused or was afraid of something not happening, I would have packed it in a long time ago. I know the value of training, consistently showing up even when I did not want to back in the day when I swam 8 hours a day to prepare for the Final World Games ( no indoor or heated swimming pools back then and I cried and did it anyway because I wanted the Gold.)
And in fact…
Something I know…
When I am in the place of really feeling like this is it,
I need to throw in the towel, most often what it has manifested as is just a little ways down the tunnel what I had been working so hard to achieve comes true.
I actually know now when I am in those places of doubt, I am exactly where I need to be and I must trust to stay the course
– to breathe life in and through them,
keep going back to my anchors and renew my commitment to what moves me.
To devotionally feel through the pain of what often times seems insurmountable obstacles especially with the lions, elephants, horses and other animals I work with that have been so traumatized and broken down, it breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces.
I know that I cannot let my anger or hurt at the unconsciousness of people who do horrendous things to animals
or get emotional about how things “look”
because I cannot be of service from there.
I know that if just one person or animal returns to trust
and gets to be heard in a safe space to facilitate in healing their own trauma, there is one more person who is uplifting the collective consciousness with their story to rise up and be accountable for our every choice.
I know that I am not for everyone,
that if you are with me, reading this, doing your own heavy lifting, not burying your head in the sand, grabbing for the quick fix or magic pill,
I won’t stop speaking to this work with Trust and turning trauma into truth telling and triumph and togetherness.
I am so deeply in appreciation of you being on this journey with me.
That is how we create movements for the betterment of all.
stay the course and trust you are enough…
It’s not time to pack it in just yet…
And as aside…
Sometimes we need someone who can see a bit more clearly for us to help hold the space for us as we move through really difficult and choppy waters.
Where we have an outsider’s perspective that can pull us out of our own fears and remind us and gently nudge us back on our path so we can continue moving towards the big spaces that call to us. I am here for you so if you have been considering working with me, my containers will be changing very soon, so take advantage of my online offerings or book a time to speak with me on how to create your personal prescription now.
Something that keeps me in faith and TRUST, is that as we enter into intimate and collaborative relationship with our infinite being – ness and our physical body
– as we tend that gap between our Celestial and Human selves, there are no limits to how much we can give, to the impact we can have.
And guiding others in returning to trust,
being the bridge between human and animals,
in honing in on where and how they hold the capacity to create meaningful change, is one of the most potent and positively impactful ways the expression my True Nature and Yours contributes. Because while the events of these times hurt in immeasurable ways,
they have also sparked the full, unapologetic release of their most resonant polarity within me.
Perhaps this is true (or becoming true) for you too?
We did not come here to lay silent as history seems to repeat itself.
It takes an incredible amount of patience, perseverance, persistence, stay, to TRUST you can create peace of mind and hold that for other people and your animal friends. I know it can be disheartening when we feel like we have put so much effort in but have nothing to show for it. But here is the thing, what we think it needs to be is often just an entry point into something greater than that and it requires resilience and a brave heart to surrender and let the Universe/ God work through you.
One way or another….
We will bridge the gap.
We will return to trust and love fully
We will see, call out, and change what others choose not to.
We will help one another.
We will be kind to one another.
And we WILL create a world in which we can see, understand, value, honour and co-create with one another, and the unique energies, perspectives, and gifts that each bring to the collective table.
Walking (and feeling this one full out) with you.
Don’t stop, together we can go so much farther.
And if you feel called to invest in yourself with some personal support, you know where I am.
Appreciating you always
Your strong medicine woman