It’ my daughter’s twelfth birthday on Friday and I cannot believe how fast she has grown up.
I find myself reminiscing on the time before her birth, how she was supposed to come on July 4th and eventually elected for a C-setion which brought up a whole lot of other ideas and perceptions that needed resolving around my dream, natural water birth – you know soft lights and music and a gentle welcome into this Earth plane.
I have days when I wish to rewind the clock back to her birth and do a lot of things over again – better this time because I know I have royally screwed up being her growth partner in some things. But I can only stay present to what is and where we are together in right relationship now.
So I wanted to speak to this one precious life we have all chosen and how to create from infinite space, not the construct of time, Before I had Thalia, I never really had a point of view about time or aging – now as she grows up in front of my eyes, I am more aware of the impermanence of everything including my own experience being embodied fully. ( You will find many resources on healing the mother wound and growing up your child parts on my youtube channel because I know how unresolved childhood trauma makes you sick in later life.
I’m often caught between a deep knowing that we don’t have much time left and that time doesn’t exist at all
The impermanence of the seasons and the permanence of nature – that there is a divine timing for all things
The wrinkles on my mothers face and the youth that lives inside of her – she is still doing ballet at the age of 83
The dripping petals of a rose and the cyclical blossoming of the bud
The sprouting growth of my child and the eternal child within myself meeting her in play and learning this human being thing
that comes with no manual just infinite choice and possibilities
The days on the calendar and the moments etched in time
The movement of the wind and the grounding of the earth
The minutes on the clock and the eternity of stillness
Trusting that I have the power to change the things in the world I want to be better like mutual regard and trusted co-operation
That I teach in the TRUST process masterclass series in person or online and that everything is divinely orchestrated in
spite of our own uncertainty and blindspots
Have you ever felt like this?
Feeling like the minutes are long and the days are short?
Caught between being present and planning the next move?
I feel you.
This is the dance of life.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately as I honor my daughters life force and that she chose me to be her Mother and growth partner.
And a question I ask my clients –
“If you had 24 hours left to live your life, what would you do and be?”
If you were told you only had 60 seconds with your beloved, it would feel like a split second.
But standing on the edge of a cliff for 60 seconds feels like a lifetime.
It’s the same time, the same 60 Mississippi’s……
That the only difference is perception and the illusions of what we think our lives should look like. That we feel we are trapped and don’t know how to unhook for the lies and limitations programmed into us and where we have willing bought the cool-aid of happily ever after.
Time comes into factor when we realize we are presented with a limited amount, but have no idea what that amount is.
How can we enjoy the present without giving up our radical pursuit of a better future?
Life is the in-between.
It’s doing everything in our power and surrendering to our mortality.
It’s tackling each day and giving ourselves a rest.
It’s knowing that we are enough but still striving to become a better version of us.
It’s honoring the seasons of life, of love, of friendships, of careers.
Having a healthy body mind is vital in setting boundaries with impossible people and saying NO.
Life is a series of transitions, in a moment of eternal stillness.
It’s chaos and harmony at the same time.
When we can wrap our human heads around this duality—of everything making sense and nothing making sense at all.
We let go of the need for perfectionism.. while still holding onto the desire for excellence, without shame or guilt or judgement.
We pursue our path fearlessly, not out of desperation or to prove something, but because that is how we transcend this form.
And become something beyond.
Which is why we were all brought here.
To tumble into our highest evolvements.
So this week, I want you to notice your own dance and play to the beat of your own heart.
Where do you struggle with being present and planning for the future?
And allowing both as valuable shades of life.
And I leave you with this final poem:
Source moves me
She moves through me
I am like the puppet
And she holds the strings
I dance through my path
Somewhere between blind-folded and wide-eyed
Not knowing the final destination
Just following her lead
Follow her lead, my darling, follow her lead.